In a world that constantly demands excellence, especially from women, it’s no surprise that many of us find ourselves stuck between two critical pillars of success- confidence and competence. Which one truly matters more? And is it really a choice between the two?

What Is Competence, Really?

According to Merriam-Webster, competence is “the quality or state of having sufficient knowledge, judgment, skill, or strength for a particular duty or in a particular respect.”

It’s the internal engine of ability- what you can do. Whether it’s managing finances, leading a team, coding a program, or running a household. In simpler terms: Competence is your actual ability to get things done.

On the other hand, confidence is the belief in your ability. It’s the mindset, the posture, the visible assurance that you know you can deliver.

But here’s the kicker: one can exist without the other, and that’s where many women struggle.+

The Competence Trap: When You Know, But Don’t Show

Many women have the competence. They’ve studied hard, built skill, weathered challenges, and earned their stripes. Yet, they hesitate to speak up in rooms, ask for raises, or lead initiatives. They wait until they feel “100% ready.”

Meanwhile, research shows men tend to display confidence at 60% readiness.

That’s the trap: Competence without confidence limits impact.

Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala didn’t become the first woman to lead the WTO by just being competent. She walked in confidence- earned and owned. Likewise, Arese Ugwu, author of The Smart Money Woman, didn’t just understand money- she believed in her capacity to teach and empower others through it.

The Confidence Illusion: When You Show, But Don’t Know

On the flip side, we’ve all met individuals who are highly confident but underqualified. They speak up, pitch big, and lead loud but lack the depth to deliver.

This, too, is dangerous. Confidence without competence is a fast track to disillusionment, broken trust, and failure.

Why You Need Both

The truth? You don’t need to choose.

A confident woman with competence is unstoppable.

She knows her worth, owns her space, and brings real value to every table she sits at. She’s self-assured not because she’s perfect, but because she’s prepared. She walks into rooms with her shoulders back, not just to be seen, but because she belongs there.

We’ve all heard the saying: “Be competent like a woman, and confident like a man.” But what if we stopped gendering traits and instead taught women that being both is not only possible, it’s powerful?

Why Competence in Women Matters

Competence in a woman doesn’t mean abandoning femininity or trying to be like a man. It’s not about doing everything or proving a point. It’s about being skilled, prepared, and valuable in your own right.

From managing finances to building businesses, from being emotionally intelligent to leading communities- competence is not just about knowledge, it’s about capacity. Capacity to lead. To love. To nurture. To build. To sustain.

Is Competence Attractive?

Absolutely. But not just in a romantic sense.

Competence attracts opportunities. It earns trust. It builds networks. It sustains legacy.

It’s not about cooking in heels or changing a tire in heels. It’s about living with intentionality, growing in skill, and being prepared to add value wherever you go, whether in a boardroom, a classroom, or at the dinner table.

So, What’s the Balance?

Being a competent woman doesn’t mean losing your softness. And being confident doesn’t mean being loud. It’s about alignment- walking in a room with grace and knowing you deserve to be there, not just because you feel ready, but because you are ready.

Let’s raise women who are confident in their competence- not just hoping to be picked, but creating and owning the table.

Let’s Discuss:

What does being a competent woman mean to you?

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