When you find someone who will smile with you through any type of adversity, and even when fear arises, their first instinct is to grab your hand so you can share your bravery, you have truly found the ONE.

It takes a person who has been raised well to identify a good balance between wanting a partner who is not an equal and wanting a successful partner.

To be honest, people do not set out to find a perfect partner. A reasonable person, no matter how much they say they want their partner to be a certain way, is oftentimes willing to teach and give of what they know. They are not expecting their partner to learn overnight. What they want is a listening person, someone who can listen patiently to them and then take on what they say and translate that into action. Even though there is no decisive action, you can sense that the person is teachable, and there’s something very attractive about a teachable person. What’s mainly attractive about this is the fact that you can project the future with that person. But when you hit a roadblock with someone who is not willing to receive and you cannot give, then where is the future? That is as good as terminated. But some people stay in those kinds of relationships and keep arguing, going back and forth, and they won’t stop.

Communication is key, but we don’t get enough emphasis on how to communicate and the way we say things. It’s important to respectfully put out your point and come to an agreement. Situations will arise where you will have the opportunity to see if your partner heard you. What’s painful is if they act like the conversation never happened. For me, if you can’t communicate in a loving way, that lesson isn’t mine, but that is only going to limit your heart to intentions which were meant to teach you. In the heat of moments like that, you are not, in a manner of speaking, qualified to teach or correct me. Now, why are you so concerned and place priority on how you say things? Why not just take the message? Well, as individuals, we experience words and they can affect our self-esteem and confidence. This is not even a matter of being self-aware or not, except if you don’t care about what your partner says at all. Maturity has shown me to care about how you put things. Yes, I need you to tell me the truth so I can make informed decisions and have better judgment.

Sometimes, we are two people who don’t know how to be in a relationship. Oftentimes, almost always, the case is two people who don’t know they are not a fit. This happens because you have your values and are not willing to compromise with your values, or one person keeps bending until they break and out of self-justification, keeps trying to make good of a bad situation.

To me, love isn’t a mind game. I am intentional in my approach to relationships. I’ve realized that being clingy can be good, but being too clingy can be bad. It’s important to be attached to your partner, but not to the point where you abandon your own life, activities, and friends. Giving someone else too much control and power over you can lead to pain, which comes from unfilled desires and a prejudiced point of view that blinds you from certain things.

Through trend analysis and studying past patterns, I’ve learned that I have an overwhelming amount of love to give. However, sometimes that much love can suffocate a relationship or partner. Holding onto someone too tightly, not wanting to lose them, may come from intense feelings of care and protection but can feel like they are your property. I believe that relationships are living things that need to be nurtured. I try to enjoy every single moment because time moves slowly and fast at the same time.

When I’m in love with someone, I don’t see anyone else and I devote everything to them. However, manipulation and mind games don’t feel like love to me. Managing your energy and emotions is crucial to managing anything in life. Learn self-detachment; nobody can faze you. You can’t hold onto anyone that much because they aren’t yours; they never were in the first place.

I’m not trying to be negative, but people will always leave. After years of singleness and celibacy, I finally decided to break down my walls and let someone love me. They sucked me in and then ghosted me, and I fell apart. Night after night, I soaked my pillows in tears and became physically ill. I had so much pain in my chest that I coughed up blood. However, I didn’t hate my ex. I’m not sure what I was holding onto – memories, experiences? I can’t say.